Humor


jackthompson.jpgJack Thompson, the Florida attorney known for his cool and rational demeanor, has voiced concern over a scene in the upcoming Grand Theft Auto IV.  At one point early in the game, the star and antihero Nico is sent to dispose of a lawyer.  A conversation takes place, during which the lawyer says, “Guns don’t kill people.  Video games do.”  Thompson believes that this attorney is meant to be a satirical respresentation of himself, and demands that such a reference be removed from the game entirely.  If this is not done by 5:00 PM this Friday, he will force Charles Xavier to remove GTA IV from existence via Cerebro.

I refuse to let this man work me up.  He’s going to keep on and on with this stupid crusade, and then one day someone sporting an unfortunate mental disorder (and who owns a library of M-rated games by chance) is going to attack him physically, thus validating his noisy rants in the eyes of lawmakers.  Thompson needs to be ignored and forgotten.  Safely, it’s the only–and most difficult–way to shut him up.

Source:  GamePolitics.com

halo3regular.jpgXbox 360 Rally came across an article at TIME about the Halo phenomenon.   Although written from a distance, as is the case with most mainstream publications addressing subcultures, TIME’s article does offer accurate facts and a fair amount of respect for Master Chief and Halo.  I especially like this passage:  “Halo takes itself seriously as, if not art, certainly a spectacle. But art seems more apt.”  That should punch Ebert’s button.   Also, I just love how the article consistently refers to everyone’s helmeted hero as “the Master Chief”, as if there’s a lower-ranked Expert Chief sidekick or something.  But, hey–they’re trying.

Xbox 360 Fanboy was referred to a very entertaining Halo 3 commercial in Korea.  Some Halo fanboys will undoubtedly be offended by this ad, as it depicts someone in a Master Chief costume committing such unbecoming acts as attacking a fake dinosaur and dancing with people on the subway.  But this is the wacky voice to be used if you want to sell things in Asia, and to spread the Halo greatness you must be multilingual.  Oh, and the zany rebel yell cracks me up every time.

add to del.icio.us :: Add to Blinkslist :: add to furl :: Digg it :: add to ma.gnolia :: Stumble It! :: add to simpy :: seed the vine :: :: :: TailRank

mass-effect-boxart.jpgComment sections and forums have ignited once again due to another occurrance of a negative opinion towards something widely favorable.  This sort of fanboy frenzy happened recently with BioShock, and makes for entertaining reading, but certain people can jeopardize their professional credibility by taking up arms and joining the fight.  Xbox360Rally has the scoop on the latest episode.

Seems the controversial Destructoid has posted a largely negative preview of Mass Effect’s facial animation and voice acting.  Cue torches and pitchforks.  But someone should have stayed home and not joined the mob:  Matt Keil from G4, who has unprofessionally rebutted against Destructoid and tells flat-out that their preview is wrong.

Noted journalists bruise their credibility (and possibly risk their jobs) by violating the basic journalism rule of criticizing the opinions of others.  Anyone could post some special editorial on how Bioware has flushed their reputation as RPG innovators and generally let the entire project collapse into a foul post-White Castle bowel movement.  That’s still an opinion.  Don’t like it?  Voice your disapproval by all means, but “right” and “wrong” don’t apply.

add to del.icio.us :: Add to Blinkslist :: add to furl :: Digg it :: add to ma.gnolia :: Stumble It! :: add to simpy :: seed the vine :: :: :: TailRank

splicerblaspheme.jpgNothing triggers a fanboy frenzy like when a magnificent game with a running streak of near-perfect review scores finally gets tripped up with a rating that yanks its head down out of the clouds.  After a series of scores ranging from 95%- 100% at metacritic, Gamespot dashes the hopes of those seeking perfection with an abysmal rating of 90%.  Oh, just shut down the whole site now as it is obviously teeming with incompetence (give me a break).

This is not the sort of uneducated/satirical review posted at Sony Defense Force yesterday.  This is the vastly-experienced opinion of Gamespot’s Editoral Director Jeff Gerstmann, who has been with the site for ten years.  Also, to be fair, Jeff has most likely played System Shock 2, and those blessed enough to have experienced that little stroke of genius will most likely be merely impressed, rather than amazed, by BioShock.  Now there may be some foundation to the debate that the console on which the game was tested may have been malfunctioning, as Jeff criticizes in-game “freezing” that has not yet been mentioned by those who snagged early Toys R Us copies nor by journalists who had reviewed the game beforehand.  Nonetheless, all of this has generated some interesting reading in the rapidly-growing flame war that was corralled into a sticky in Gamespot’s BioShock forum.   (UPDATE:  The topic has since been removed.)

Some people have a standard complaint…

After reading this review iam convinced that gamespot writers love to shoot, shoot and nothing more, they don’t care about the story or the variety of a game, the 9.0 score would have been good if games like “gears of no story justshoot war”had receive an 8.0. Graphics are good, but not everything–“

…others take it a bit more seriously…

I am writing the better business bureua on jeff seriously his reign has gone on dfar too long and i personally think he uses the fact that we call him phat and stupid as a disgiuse to how menicle he really is and how he wants to spin the media his way.”

…and finally there are the elite wordsmiths who manage to stagger us all with their profundity:

THE REVIEW SUCKS DONKEY”

 

In all honesty, I do have to agree with one person who complained that–gameplay differences aside–BioShock got the same score as Perfect Dark Zero.  Anyway, just had to share all this before spending my day off in Rapture.  I’ll let you know how it is.  See you all tomorrow.

 

add to del.icio.us :: Add to Blinkslist :: add to furl :: Digg it :: add to ma.gnolia :: Stumble It! :: add to simpy :: seed the vine :: :: :: TailRank

Many hardcore fanboys love their smear campaigns, and some can put up a strong argument.  But if your attempt to disparage an outstanding title on a competing console is infested with ignorance then you’re just going to anger some people, amuse the rest, and flush the excrement that was once your credibility.

bioshockbuddy.jpg

A newer Sony fanblog called Sony Defense Force has posted a scathing review of BioShock, awarding the beast an extremely mediocre 5/10.  The nameless critic claims it would have been a better title with Home, “standard HDD” (?) and Blu-Ray;  none of these would have had any impact on the programming of the game itself.  Secondly, BioShock’s life-blood, the story, isn’t even mentioned.  Lastly, he/she says the game would look better if the graphics weren’t “compressed to fit on a DVD”, which is simply not true. 

Ah, fanboys…  Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but objectiveness tends to defend it from laughter.  Keep that in mind unless you’re into parody, which Sony Defense Force just might be, given their Sony to Buy Rockstar post.

add to del.icio.us :: Add to Blinkslist :: add to furl :: Digg it :: add to ma.gnolia :: Stumble It! :: add to simpy :: seed the vine :: :: :: TailRank